


Will I ever love the same way again?

by IThinkImOld



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Enemies to Friends, F/F, Friends to Enemies, Gen, Inspired by an Ariana Grande Song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:48:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27612329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IThinkImOld/pseuds/IThinkImOld
Summary: Is there any point in love when we're constantly surrounded by heartbreak? and how do you talk about pain with someone who's apart of yours? Carrie and Julie get partnered on a songwriting assignment and expect to hate it. That is until Carrie reflects on her life and relationships and how involved Julie was in her life and Julie has to realize that she also messed up.
Relationships: Julie Molina & Carrie Wilson
Comments: 1
Kudos: 25





	Will I ever love the same way again?

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back! This was kinda inspired by Savannah saying she wants Julie and Carrie to work together in season 2 and possibly do a duet and I'm here for it! This was also inspired by the fact that I'm an Ari stan and can't stop finding ways to relate her songs to jatp, thus this collab of off the table and CarriexJulie was born. 
> 
> Please note that I did change/cut some of the lyrics so it fit them better. Also note that I'm still really bad at writing in general so I apologize if this one is bad too.

Julie could never pinpoint exactly when they stopped being friends, sure, everyone has falling outs and tons of friendships don’t last forever, but they were different. They went from sharing stupid secrets and making music videos in their bedroom to Carrie constantly teasing her and having Flynn fight back. When Julie’s mother passed in the spring of their freshman year, that’s when it truly hit. Sure she had Flynn to support her, a few classmates and teachers would share their sympathy, but Carrie just ignored her. By the time summer ended and the new school year rolled around, it felt like their friendship never existed and Julie eventually had no choice but to put up with the random snarky remarks and accept the fact that Carrie was no longer the person she once knew.

Over the span of the last 3 months, Julie’s life completely changed after Luke, Reggie, and Alex poofed into her garage. She went from thinking she would never sing again to performing at the Orpheum and a few other opening gigs. Aside from the music, she genuinely felt happy with the guys, a happiness that she had been struggling to achieve for the past year. 

However, today was different. Earlier that day, Mrs. Harrison had announced a new assignment where students had to partner up and write a song by the end of the week, with the topic of the song being about pain. Julie knew all about pain. Whether it was the pain of accidentally burning your hand on the toaster, the pain of falling down a flight of stairs, the pain of failing a test, or the pain of watching your mother’s casket being lowered into the ground while your little brother holds onto you for dear life because now he’s scared of losing you too. She knew all about pain. To make it worse, Mrs. Harrison decided to pick partners herself “just to shake things up a bit”, and of course, put Julie and Carrie together.

She immediately heard Carrie groan from a few seats over. Everyone got up to start talking to their partner before class ended and before she could move, Julie felt Carrie’s presence in front of her.

“I take my songwriting very seriously but I’m also EXTREMELY busy so we can meet up here at 3:15 and I assume you’ll be here unless of course you and your little hologram band have somewhere to go?” Carrie said harshly, still not entirely convinced by Julie’s recent music group venture. How could they be so vivid? Were they live? Pre-recorded with really good acting? It felt like Carrie was the only one who questioned it.

Julie just snorted, not at all surprised by how forward Carrie was. “3:00 works for me, as for the holograms, we actually have a gig coming up this weekend, we were personally requested” Julie didn’t know why she said it like that. She didn’t need to stoop to Carrie’s level, she didn’t need to compare their acts and yet she did. 

“Whatever, class is about to end, just be here at 3:00, the sooner we start, the sooner I can go back to ignoring you” Carrie said as the bell rang and she walked out with two of the Dirty Candi girls by her side. Julie felt like this might end up being the worst songwriting experience ever….. Or that's what she assumed.

3:15 rolled around and Julie found herself back in the music room, this time by herself. She sat down on the piano bench, grabbed her notebook and a pen, and place her bag on the ground. She started thinking about the topic again. Pain. She reflected on the last few months and how the last time she felt pain was when she saw the boys be shocked by Caleb’s jolts. How she thought that was the end for them. The two weeks that she had known them at that point felt like years and now 3 months felt like an eternity, except in this case, she knew their eternity eventually had to end. That’s when she would really feel the pain.

Her thoughts were quickly put aside when she heard the loud footsteps of Carrie’s platform heels. Why she wore heels to school? Nobody really knew but nonetheless, they were essential in the power she was constantly holding. 

“Oh look, right on time, glad to see you finally care about being punctual” Carrie said which was ironic considering she was 2 minutes late, but Julie brushed it off. 

“Look Carrie, neither of us wanna do this so let's just get it over with, hopefully, get a good grade and then we never have to work together again.” Julie was determined to keep her grades up and was not about to let Carrie ruin it.

“Okay gosh, I forgot how annoying you are” Carrie said as she sat down. “So the topic is about pain, god what a downer, it's like she wants to be surrounded by emotional teenagers.” 

“Well, it's to get us more comfortable with expressing our emotions” Julie replied, taking note of the lesson they had been given on what works in and doesn’t work in emotional songs. “If you have any personal experiences, it can help you write better” Julie said in a soft tone as if she was trying to encourage Carrie. 

“Of course I've experienced pain, I just choose not to think about it. I would much rather write about how amazing I am. I mean why would you choose to focus on the hard stuff” Carrie said as she played a few notes on the piano. 

She had a point, writing sad songs gets exhausting but it was their assignment so Julie just sighed, “Okay you have a point, but expressing pain and sadness is what helps people be more confident and in our case, its what gets us an A, so lets just focus. What was the last really painful thing you experienced? Something really painful that made you unable to focus on anything else?” Julie asked. 

Carrie wasn’t sure what was happening but all of a sudden, she felt herself remembering her mother. The fights, the tears, the doors slamming, and then she was gone. Carrie was 12 years old when her mom left and having a famous dad didn’t help. She remembered the headlines talking about her parents, the rumours about what happened, the whispers and looks she would get wherever she walked, and yet nobody ever asked how she was. It was a combination of things, him always being on tour and the fact that Carrie wasn’t planned were parts of it, but the one thing that always loomed in Carrie’s mind, the thing that brought her the most pain, was Rose Molina. Julie’s mom and Carrie’s dad had always been close, even after Carrie and Jullie stopped being friends, however, Carrie’s mom could never help but be jealous. For starters, neither of them ever wanted to talk about how they met, they avoided it like the plague, and it always made Carrie’s mom jealous, it felt like they were hiding something, and unfortunately, Carrie took it out on Julie. She began to felt tears streaming down her face, thinking about how her mom just walked out, how she destroyed her friendship with Julie over something she always knew couldn’t be true, how she was forced to suck up the pain and had crafted this perfect image at school where everyone respected her but she hated herself. 

Her thoughts were cut short when she heard her name from beside her, “Carrie? CARRIE?” Julie yelled while shaking her ex-friend. “Carrie, what's wrong?” Julie asked with concern. She couldn’t remember the last time she saw Carrie Wilson cry.

Carrie just shook her head, “this is so stupid, this is why I hate sad songs. I’m not some stone-cold bitch, I have a heart and I cried for years, YEARS! Nobody ever cared about me! Julie you didn’t even bother to ask how I was when mom left and now you have the audacity to sit there and wonder why we aren’t friends?” Carrie screamed. 

After 4 years of bottling everything up, she was finally letting it out. “Like I get that we weren’t even hanging out when she left anyways but you could’ve asked if I was okay. Kayla was the only person who ever checked up on me, YOU were the one who left me hanging!” Carrie sobbed.

Julie’s heart sank. She never knew how to talk to Carrie when it came to her mom leaving. She saw the tabloids, she heard the rumours, even got asked if there was ever anything between her mother and Trevor, but she always brushed it off.

“Carrie” she started, “I am so sorry. I- I should have talked to you, and I don’t know why I didn’t. I mean maybe I was scared you would be mad at me. We weren’t even close at the time and I guess I was just scared of losing you even more. You should have never gone through that alone but I was just scared, ya know? All those rumours about my mom and your dad, I mean I assume they weren’t true but I just didn’t know how to talk to you about it. I don’t even think I ever talked to my mom about it. But I’m sorry.” 

Carrie just shook her head and sniffled, “I knew they couldn't be true but it was always left in the dark. I didn’t wanna hate you, I still don’t hate you, was just mad and I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you when your mom died but I was pissed. Like at least people gave a shit about you” Carrie said with tears still streaming down her face.

“I guess we were both scared to cross that bridge. It just sucks that we never really knew what happened between our parents you know? Like why were they friends for so long and how come they never bothered to tell us about how they met? It's always been so weird” Julie said while Carrie nodded. They both had tried to find ways to get their parents to talk about what brought them together but eventually just gave up.

Carrie felt herself become more comfortable and decided to open up more, “it just really sucks and it made me question love like is it even real at this point? I mean when I first met Nick I thought he was cute and charming but eventually, I didn’t feel anything like he was just some guy I was always with. I don’t even know the last time I actually loved someone… or if I ever did” Carrie said sighing.

Julie’s eyes widened. Surprised by how forward Carrie was but not completely surprised. Love really was confusing. “I get what you mean, there are so many different kinds of love but its all so complicated.”

Carrie rolled her eyes, “well it might be complicated but at least you have someone.”

Julie was confused, “what do you mean?”

Carrie giggled, “seriously Molina? It's so obvious that there’s something between you and the lead guitarist of your band. Why do you think Nick stopped coming to your shows? Nobody wants to see the person who rejected them, flirting with their new boyfriend.”

Julie was stunned, she didn’t think anyone knew about her and Luke, but that was mostly because she didn’t know what was going on between them. Ask anyone else and they would tell you the two were basically in love. 

“There’s nothing between me and Luke, it's…. Complicated.” There really was no other way to explain their relationship without talking about the fact that he was a ghost.

“Well whatever it is, it's grossly cute and I kinda wish I had that but I just don’t think I’ll ever love someone, maybe it’s just not meant for me.” Carrie said, with her voice getting softer. “Anyways, we should get started, but I still don’t know what to write.”

“Well we just had a whole conversation about love and not knowing if it's real and at this point, we both know a lot about that so why not write something like that? Like we don’t know if love exists but we want it but when you’ve gone through so much pain and loss, how do you even get it?” Julie said, thinking back to varying moments where she felt love, whether it was romantic, platonic, familial, she had felt it all but it always felt like it didn’t last like something always had to go wrong.

Carrie shrugged, “I guess that’s not a bad idea.” They spent the next two hours going back and forth, the song was almost done before a janitor came in to tell them they had to leave. Two hours seems like a short amount of time to write a song but when it’s with the person you haven’t spoken to in 4 years, it felt so long. The girls packed up their bags and walked down the hallway.

“Well that wasn’t completely terrible, I guess we do make a good team.” Carrie said.

“Yeah, and hey maybe we could work on it tomorrow? Unless you’re busy or something” Julie asked hesitantly as this was new territory for the two of them.

“Yeah, tomorrow works, same time?” Carrie asked. 

Julie nodded, “yup… bye Carrie” she said before they both turned and left the building. Julie looked over her shoulder, watching Carrie as she walked away. A few months ago, she never imagined them having a normal conversation but a few months ago she didn’t think she would be in a band with 3 ghosts. Anything is possible.

They spent the next few days sending each other voice notes, sharing notes, rescheduling rehearsals with their groups, even going out to coffee with the intention of writing, but it would just turn into sharing stories. It got to the point where even the teachers were shocked by how much time they spent together without killing each other.

Friday rolled around and it was their turn to perform. Everyone was nervous about how the song would go, especially Flynn, she just didn’t want to see Julie get hurt for the millionth time. The girls both sat down at the piano and Julie spoke up.

“This song is called off the table, its about the pain associated with love and how when you go through heartbreak, of any kind, you begin to doubt if love is real and if it's even worth it. We hope you like it”

[Carrie]  
Will I ever love the same way again?  
Will I ever love somebody like the way I did you?  
Never thought you'd be so damn hard to replace  
I swear it don't need to be this way  
If I can't have you, is love completely off the table?  
Do I sit this one out and wait for the next life?  
Am I too cold? Am I not nice?  
Might not be quite yet healed already  
Should I be goin' too steady?  
But I just wanna know is love completеly off the table?

[Julie and Carrie]  
Will you be thеre?  
Can I still love you?  
Not yet healed or ready  
Should I be goin' too steady?  
Just wanna know is love completely off the table?

[Julie]  
I'll wait for you  
Even though it always feels like I'll be number two  
To someone you can't hold anymore  
If you let me in, I'm ready to give you what I couldn't before  
'Cause I got you, let me help you through it  
You're trying to fill the void with a couple boys  
I can see right through it  
I couldn't give you my all, but I will  
If you let me in your arms  
If you let me in your heart  
I don't think that love's completely off the table

[Carrie & (Julie)]  
Will you be there? (Yes, I will be there for you)  
Can I still love you? (Yes, I been hurt before, before)  
Not yet healed or ready (Not ready)  
Should I be goin' too steady? (Too steady, no, no)  
Just wanna know is love completely off the table?

So can you love me?  
If I let you, can you prove it to me? (Oh, no-no, no)  
'Cause I need you to calm me down  
Gotta get out of my head (Oh, woah)  
Tryna be here from this bed (Oh)  
Just wanna know, just wanna know, know, know, (Hey)  
Let me think you never gonna leave on me  
'Cause I ain't her and you ain't him, thankfully  
But it's gon' be hard to let someone else in again (Woah)

Will you be there? (Will you be there? I'll still wait)  
Can I still love you? (I'll still wait for you, babe, oh, no-no, no, can I still love you?)  
Not yet healed or ready (Ooh, not ready)  
Should I be goin' too steady? (No, no, ooh)  
Just wanna know is love completely off the table?

(I swear, I swear  
I will wait for you whenever you need  
Ooh, ooh)

They finished and the room fell silent. So silent, you could hear a pin drop. Then it was just filled with clapping. The girls looked up and saw their entire class standing up for them, cheering them on, some of them sniffling with tears in their eyes.

Mrs. Harrison walked over to them, “girls that was… wow. I mean I knew the two of you were talented but that was stunning.” She said, amazed by the girls who at the beginning of the week, wouldn’t even look at each other.

“Thanks, Mrs. Harrison” Julie said as the two of them left the piano and sat back down in their seats. Throughout the rest of the class, they found themselves glancing at each other, smiling as if they were having a conversation. 

The class eventually ended and as Carrie approached Julie and Flynn, so did Nick, “oh my god you guys that was amazing!” he started, “I can’t believe the two of you write that!” 

“Thanks, Nick, your song was amazing too” Julie exclaimed. Carrie just nodded, this might have been the first time that Nick ever saw her in a vulnerable position and she didn’t know how to react.

As they were about to leave, Carrie knew this was her chance to start fresh, “Julie wait! Um, can I talk to you about something, it’ll be quick?” she asked

Julie looked over at Flynn, “I’ll meet you at my locker?” Flynn nodded and Julie turned back around, “What's up?”

“Well” Carrie started, “I wanted to say thank you. I know we kinda hurt each other but this week has meant a lot to me. The only person I ever talk to anymore is Kayla and obviously, I love her but what you and I had was… different. It meant something different. And I know this week was, new and there’s a lot between us but I was kinda wondering if you would… I don't know, be interested in hanging out? Like maybe a sleepover?” They used to have the best sleepovers, filled with karaoke, board games, complaining about school, and weird snack combinations.

Once again, Julie was shocked by her forwardness but felt happy, maybe they could go back to where they were before? Or at least try. “I would love that. I’m free tonight actually if that works? And we can do it at my place?”

“That works” Carrie said softly, “I missed you”

“I missed you too. A lot. This week, it felt special” Julie said

They made their way out of the music room and to their lockers. Later that night, the two spent the night in Julie’s room, laughing and reminiscing over their relationship, childhood memories, Nick and how awkward he was when it came to asking people out, and of course, Carrie pushed about Julie and the phantoms and how she met the boys and the whole hologram set up but Julie decided to wait. It wasn’t time for her to bring everything with her mother back up, for now, she just wanted to live in the moment.

As for Carrie, she still had a hard time figuring out what love truly meant, especially when it came to romantic love. For the time being, she just wanted someone who would stay, and despite the last 4 years, her relationship with Julie was back on the table.


End file.
